|
Our Relationship With Others
|
1. With Church Members
2. With Fellow Pastors
3. With the World
A minister cannot be divorced from the society from which he lives. He will be forced to address both spiritual and social relationships. He will have personal needs, as well as, needs involving his church work. By his very nature he will make friendships that go beyond simple member-pastor relationships. 1 Timothy 3:2 “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach;” In this lesson we will try to look at the relationship of a pastor with others.
|
|
Our Relationship With Church Members
|
There are two dangers that a pastor must be careful to avoid in how he presents himself to his people.
1. A pastor should avoid the appearance of placing himself on a pedestal above the people. Some groups and ministers go to such extremes that special garments are made for and worn only by the preacher. A pastor should never present a “holier than thou” attitude toward church members. Do not ever be afraid to ask for advice and then to apply it. Dr. Jeff D. Ray wrote,
“The manly preacher does not want to be coddled; he does not want to be put on a pedestal; he wants to take his place in the trenches with the rank and file; he has no use of the Pharisee’s prayer, ‘I thank thee that I am not as other men.’ The genuine preacher knows and wants others to know that he has no sacerdotal accessories that entitle him to respect apart from the respect due to any man of worthy character.”
2. The other extreme is just as wrong. A pastor must be careful not to go to far in trying to fit in. He should never try to be just a “good old boy.” Laughing at and telling the wrong kind of jokes, participating in worldly amusements and pastimes are beneath the calling of God. A pastor should not allow members to call him by his first name alone. Members should be trained to acknowledge the office by including the words, brother or pastor in front of your name. A pastor has been called and commissioned by God and he should do nothing that could cause him or the office to loose the respect of all men. 1 Timothy 3:7, “Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.” Washington Gladden summed it up this way, the minister ought to be regarded by his members, neither as a mere employee, nor yet as a master, but as their spiritual guide and fellow helper in the gospel.” A pastor must always remember that he too is one of God’s sheep. As one of the sheep he should be able to identify with other sheep. He is one of the members of the church. He has the same responsibilities as any other member. He is to be faithful in attendance, prayers, giving of offerings, ect. His calling may differ from those of his congregation but he is still only one part of the whole. 1 Corinthians 12:12 “for as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body; so also is Christ.”
It is just as important for the minister to have the proper view of his congregation. He should view them as family members. Paul often referred to his congregation as his own children.
Ian Maclaren wrote concerning the true pastor:
His people are ever in the pastor’s heart. He claims identity with them in their joy and sorrow and endless vicissitudes of life. No friend is blessed with any good gift of God but he is also richer. No household suffers loss, but he is poorer. If one stands amid great temptation he is stronger; of one fails he is weaker. When any one refuses his call, he is dismayed, counting himself less faithful. He waits eagerly to see whether one who groped in darkness has been visited by the light from on high, whether another, who seemed to have gone into a far country, ahs set his face towards the Father’s house. One family he watches with anxiety, because he does not know how they will bear a heavy stoke of adversity, and another with fear lest rapid success in this world may wean their hearts from God. He trembles for this merchant lest he fall below the rules of Christ and to things which are against conscience; he rejoices over another who had stood fast and refuse to soil his hands. He inquires on every hand about some young man of whom he expects great things; h e plans how another may be kept from temptation. One thing he cannot do; criticize his people or make distinctions among them. Other, with no shepherd heart, may miss the hidden goodness; he searches for it as for fine gold. Others may judge people for faults and sins; he takes them for his own. Others may make people’s foibles the subject of their raillery; the pastor cannot, because he loves.
|
|
Some Practical Suggestions
|
1. Be careful not to show favoritism
2. Be careful to avoid becoming too close to a small few.
3. Be careful not to neglect those you conflict with.
4. Be careful about your friendships with women in the church
Never visit in a home or ride in a car with women alone. Never touch a woman in public Better to do too little than to appear to do too much.
5. Show genuine evidence of your love and interest of the people. Do little things for them. Pick up the tab once and awhile. Give gifts at anniversaries, weddings, and birthday’s. One word of caution, don’t give a gift to one without doing it to everyone. Learn their problems and their interest and speak to them about them.
6. Call your people by name and do it often.
7. Set at the hospital with them.
8. Always make time to go out to eat with them when invited. Eat what you are offered. If at a restraint always let them order first. Choose the same dish or one less expensive.
9. Never borrow money from church member. Never ask a church member to so-sign a loan for you. Never allow them to even if they offer. When borrowing tools, vehicles, and etc. be sure they are returned promptly, clean and in good condition. Repair anything you broke before returning. Return vehicles full of gas even if they were empty when you borrowed them.
10. Be careful of gifts that may have strings attached.
11. Compliment your people often. Don’t praise the people when they don’t deserve it.
12. Be sure your people receive the best you have to give in time, in message, in attention. Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;”
13. Avoid nagging or brow beating the people. Don’t skin the sheep who are present over the absence or failures of those not there. Don’t ride a hobby horse every service. Keep your sermons balanced. Don’t preach the same message or same type of message each week.
14. Quickly take the blame when things go wrong. Admit mistakes. Learn to use the words, “It’s my fault”
15. Learn to talk to your members and not just at them.
16. Be understanding of their limitations. Allow them to be less than perfect.
17. Respect their time.
18. Never talk of a member’s problem before another member.
19. Be careful not to complain in front of your people.
20. Don’t let deacons, trustees, or wealthy church members frighten you or put you into a corner.
21. Don’t forget who your friends are.
22. Don’t allow money to influence your preaching. Don’t make personal decisions of when and where to preach based on money.
23. Don’t make decisions that will affect others without considering others.
24. Don’t be discouraged when things go wrong or when people fail to appreciate you or thank you.
25. Pray with your people at every visit or opportunity.
26. Learn to appreciate constructive criticism.
27. Don’t entertain or go out to eat with the same few week after week.
28. Be respectful of time when you visit.
29. Feed your sheep. Have something for them.
30. Don’t embarrass your people in public or in the pulpit.
31. Don’t monopolize the conversation before or after the services.
32. Have clear boundaries and let your people know what and where they are. Don’t be upset with someone who does something wrong who did not know it was wrong.
|
|
Our Relationship With Fellow Pastors
|
As a minister you will be blessed by being able to fellowship with some of God’s best servants. Some will be guests in your church. There will come a time you will be a guest in theirs. You will have still other contacts with pastors in your community or at fellowship meetings and conferences.
|
1. Cultivate friendship with other faithful pastors. Be friendly to all and an enemy of none. Take the time to meet their needs. Return phone calls promptly. Call or write letters of encouragement often.
2. Participate in fellowships and meetings when you are in agreement. Isolation breeds corruption.
3. Avoid all groups, fellowships, associations where there are mixed doctrinal beliefs represented.
4. Never criticize the former pastor or any pastor. If asked don’t lie. It is all right to expose error but be careful how you appear to view the one that is doing wrong.
5. Choose guest speakers carefully. Use men with experience and proven wisdom. Remember that a short meeting that is well attended is better than a long meeting poorly attended.
6. Take good care of all guests. Give a larger offering that is necessary. If at all possible provide a motel room rather than a home for them to stay in. Provide them with spending money upon arrival. Give their check to them at close of final service. Never mail it. Offer to case check, if needed.
7. Don’t expect an invitation to preach in return for an invitation to preach.
8. Involve those who are ministers in your congregation. Treat retired pastors or young preacher like royalty. Learn from their wisdom. Listen to their ideas.
9. When invited to preach:
a. Be brief. Better to say too little than to say too much.
b. Don’t try to correct the pastor. Never use your opportunity to teach some doctrine you feel the pastor has overlooked or was wrong on. IF you cannot agree with the pastor, say nothing.
c. Avoid controversial issues. Never use your opportunity to rebuke the congregation, that is the pastor’s job. Avoid teaching something new to the congregation.
d. Don’t attempt to preach beyond your natural ability in order to impress.
e. Do whatever is asked of you. Never say no.
f. Eat what is set before you. Make no demands on the pastor’s time, plans or program. Do not make the host pastor or his wife feel they must entertain you. Respect their privacy. While you are there, you are free but their daily routine and responsibilities go on.
g. Confirm each engagement both by letter and phone before arriving. Let the pastor know how and when and with who you will arrive and leave.
h. Write a thank you note after the meeting. Send all notes to Pastor. Never communicate directly with another pastor’s members.
i. Ask before selling tapes or books or handing out any type of literature.
j. Be respectful of another man’s positions even when they differ from your own.
k. Never allow people to love you more than they do their own pastor. Never allow people to criticize their pastor in front of you. Never try to steal their affection.
l. Publicly express a genuine expression of appreciation.
m. Be complimentary of the church and it’s pastor. Make the pastor’s job easier after you leave.
n. Never cancel a meeting to go to a bigger church.
o. Never set a fee for preaching.
p. Be neat if you are staying in a home.
q. Don’t criticize other pastors or meetings. Don’t complain about money or personal needs
r. Dress properly for the occasion. Clean up before arriving for the first time. Dress conservative. Your wife and daughters should be in a dress. You should have a neck tie on. First impressions are lasting impressions. Always be respectful and anticipate convictions on dress stronger than your own.
s. Leave the Missions apartment clean. If you broke anything fix it. If you used anything replace it.
t. Leave a list of all phone calls you make and how you paid for them.
u. Never preach from anything bur the King James Bible. Never correct the King James of quote from anything else when a guest preacher.
10. Don’t think of other pastors as competitors.
1 Corinthians 3:6-9 “I have planted, Apollos watered; but God have the increase. So then neither is he that planteth anything, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour. For we are labours together with God: ye are God’s husbandry, we are God’s building.
11. Don’t become jealous over the success of another pastor.
12. Allow your people to love another pastor besides yourself.
13. When hosting a guest preacher:
a. Don’t expect him to stay up late at night or to keep the same hours you do.
b. Allow him to choose when and what he would like to eat. Don’t force him to eat more than he wants.
c. Don’t have a lot of announcements and music. He needs the freedom to not feel pushed for time.
d. Give him time to study, pray and rest.
e. Learn from him. Don’t do all the talking.
f. If his wife is not with him suggest he call her on the church phone. His ministry is worth more than a phone bill. You might want to send his wife some flowers from the church.
g. When booking a meeting be honest with the missionary or speaker. Tell them what you can and cannot do. Be up front.
h. Prepare the building and the people before the meeting begins.
i. Do not put guest speakers in a home of member unless it is impossible to do otherwise.
j. If you use a mission’s apartment, check before speaker arrives to see if it is clean. Be sure to turn on heat or air conditioning before speaker arrives. Have some fruit and snacks waiting for the speaker (even in a motel room).
k. Be sure the guest speaker has a quite place to study and access to a phone. If he flies in provide him with a car to drive.
l. Anticipate and arrange for needed equipment ahead of time. A missionary will most likely need a table for a display and a screen for slides. He will also need someplace to set the projector and possibly an extension cord.
14. When dealing with Pastors of the area.
a. Sheep stealing is both unethical and unchristian. Never visit a member of another Bible preaching church without the pastor’s permission. Never encourage members of another good church to visit yours. If someone visits your church who is a member of another good church, call their pastor the very next day.
b. Don’t justify sheep stealing by saying you believe that there is something wrong with the other church or it’s pastor.
c. Pray for other Godly men everyday.
d. Call and welcome all new pastors to your community. Try your best to be a friend and be of help to them.
e. Avoid allowing personal conflicts between you and another pastor becoming public.
|
|
Our Relationship with the World
|
Though we are not to be of the world we have been placed in the world. We must do our best to be a testimony to the world of the grace of God. It should not surprise us that few in the world will have proper respect for our office. Some may even hate us because of the office. Others may dislike us because of the doctrinal stand we take. Most will simply ignore us. 1 Corinthians 4:9-13 “For I think that God hath set for us the apostles last, as it were appointed to death: for we are made a spectacle unto the world, and to angels, and to men. We are fools for Christ’s sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised. Even unto this present hour we both hunger, and thirst and are naked, and are buffeted, and hove no certain dwelling place; And labour, working with our own hands: being reviled, we bless; being persecuted, we suffer it: Being defamed, we entreat we are made as the filth of the world, and are the off scouring al all things unto this day.”
There will be a few that will appreciate what you are doing. We should always maintain a genuine love and respect for all men. Our joy and peace should not come from how we are treated by others. We must view men for what they can be rather than what they are. We must look at our enemies as broken not evil.
|
1. Avoid membership in most social organizations. Choose wisely those you do participate in. There will always be strings attached to membership to any organization. C.E Colton wrote, “God pity the preacher who becomes nothing more than a society bug who had rather make social impressions for himself than to win people to Christ.”
2. Don’t be afraid to be different. Don’t make apologies for being different. Don’t gloat over being different. Right will never be wrong and wrong will never be right.
3. Don’t let the world frighten you.
4. Maintain honest and strict business habits and practices those habits both for the church and for yourself. Keep detailed records. Pay all bills on time.
5. Set aside a special time each week to go soul-winning
6. Write letters of encouragement to the lost who are having difficulties.
7. Remember the lost every time you preach.
8. Make yourself available to help
9. Return phone calls.
10. Never cheapen the ministry by requesting or hinting for a ministerial discount. If a discount is offered voluntarily, it should be received graciously. It should never be asked for or simply expected.
11. Never forget this is your fishing pond, don’t pollute the waters.
12. Be careful not to become a pawn of a political candidate, party, or organization.
13. Avoid part time jobs that require you to sell, indorse, share names, knock doors or contact other preachers or church members. There will be those who constantly will want to use you or your position to:
a. Advance their own position
b. Get into the pockets of your members
c. Get into the churches offerings
14. Never give out a mailing list of the church
Even in a small church a pastor cannot do everything himself. One of the secrets of a successful ministry is learning when and how to delegate. In a small church the staff is often unpaid faithful members who aid the Pastor. Even in the larger church there will be a large number of unpaid members that will work as an extension of the ministry of the pastor. Whether a person serves as a full-time associate pastor or serves as a volunteer they will make up an important partnership.
The wise pastor will realize early in his ministry the importance of good helpers. While most everything this chapter will deal with, will apply to the unpaid staff of teachers, superintendents, deacons and others, the focus will primarily be on the paid staff.
A pastor can only reach and keep a certain number of followers. The amount differs from man to man according to the ability and area of service. When our maximum growth is accomplished we must reproduce ourselves. The illustration is often used of a tree to describe the pastor- staff relationship. The pastor is the trunk. Early in the ministry he will be forced to be all things to all people. As the ministry grows larger he will need to bear branches the trunk must begin to loose leaves and fruit to make room for new ones. The growth becomes slow and the loss often equals the additions. As the pastor adds branches and the branches add branches, the fruit begins to multiply
.
|
The selection of new staff members will vary from church to church. Each church will have it’s own strengths and weaknesses. Some churches are blessed with talented and dedicated laymen who can and should fill the gaps. On a practical side it is advisable to not hire someone to replace a member who is serving and doing a good job meeting the need of their area of service. I would never replace a faithful member volunteer who is getting the job done for a paid helper. One of the first positions that need to be filled in most churches is in the area of a church secretary. A good secretary will free the pastor up to accomplish more with his time. One of the next areas is in the ministry of church maintenance and cleaning. One of the best places to look for someone to fill these needs is with the retired members of your own church. They know you, are already faithful and often can live on a reduced salary. Still another area that often needs to be filled early in the ministry is that of a song leader. I would never hire someone to just lead music. I would insist that they fill other needs as well. The first and primary duty of any staff member is to reproduce themselves in souls and workers. Be sure anyone you hire understands that soul-winning and discipleship is their first and PRIMARY duty.
|
What to look for in a Staff Member
|
1. Look from within. The best staff members are those that are already busy serving the Lord in your church. Members already know and accept them and they already know and understand your philosophies.
2. Look for someone that can do what you can not. Each pastor should know their own weaknesses and try to find those that will enlarge your ministry.
3. Look for loyalty. I would never hire a staff member who offered a word of criticism of a former employer.
4. Look for those who place the call of service over the duties and privileges of service. Many prospective employees are looking for a job. The ministry is not a job it is a calling. Someone who is called will be more concerned with the opportunity to serve that the benefits and pay that the job offers.
5. Look at their track record. This may seem elementary but do not hire someone without checking their references. I have never had a pastor call me to ask about a person who has left my employment. I have had a preachers call me after the person got into the same trouble with them, as caused them to leave our church.
6. Remember before you hire them how hard it may be to fire them. Sometimes a tree will need to be pruned in order to bear more fruit.
7. Ask yourself if you believe they will accept correction and instructions well. It may even serve you well to criticize them before you hire them to see if they are willing to accept reproof when needed.
|
1. Pay them well. 1 Timothy 5:18 “For the scripture saith, Thou shalt not muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn, And. The labourer is worthy of his reward.”
2. Treat them the way you want the members of the church to treat you.
3. Give them tools they need to work with.
4. Give them a good detailed written job description.
5. Give them some of your time.
6. Give them public praise.
7. Give them supervision.
8. Give them liberty to think for themselves and to suggest new solutions to old problems.
9. Give them time for their family and personal needs.
10. Give them your heart and love.
11. Give them your protection. Defend them publicly, rebuke them privately
12. Feed them spiritually.
|
|
